Breaking point

Eight years ago I had panic attacks. The swelling, the loud and "not ignorable" pounding heart, the messy thoughts and inability to find a way out of it... It took me several months to let it go.

The crises had passed, but they resonated for a long time.

The "extra" sensitivity only "went away" after I prayed - but that's a story for another time.

Something in me still remembers. Touching my fingers on the palm of my hands, applying enough strength so I can focus on that sensation instead of the stomach and the heart - trying hard to run away from myself. 

My body was telling me what I was ignoring: something is wrong.

Between then and now many things have changed. 

The city I live in, the people I'm surrounded by, my daily routine, my self-awareness...

Yet, the pattern repeats: I feel suffocated by my senses, I struggle to find a way out of my anxiety, I get clues about the path I must walk... and it leads to self-care, to some sort of spiritual path, to self-discovery and, of course, to making choices.

What is the lesson? What can I learn from it? 

Now I have time to reflect. To rethink my routine, my priorities, my path. A huge gift. Or maybe a blessing.

I don't have the answers quite yet, but I'm willing to seek them. I guess that's a start...